It never fails when I’m listening to a sermon that I walk away with at least one “golden” nugget … often more than one. Yesterday while listening to my pastor (for those of you who don’t know, I attend First Baptist Church of Dallas) explain Romans 10, he made the statement, “Either your faith will kill your secrecy, or your secrecy will kill your faith.” My radar went on high alert at that point, because I’m living proof that statement is true along with every woman and man I’ve spoken to and counseled with about addiction or post-abortive trauma.
For decades I held on to and protected my secret to such an extent it changed my behavior. I isolated myself fearing someone would look into my eyes and “find me out.” It eroded my every attempt of having a deep relationship with a loving God. Depression set in followed by self-medicating to soothe an already troubled soul. I put up a good front. To others I looked like I had it all together, but on the inside? Well, that was a another matter altogether. I buried memories so deep I erased years of my life. But God had a different plan for me.
God orchestrated situations and people to enter into my life, and I began to move toward Him. Gradually, I was being peeled like an onion … layer by layer … of years of shame, regret, anger and resentment, until one day I sought more of Jesus than I did of me. The day I felt closest to my God is when I confessed my deepest, darkest secret of abortion. It was in that hour of public confession when I was more concerned with that one person in the congregation who needed to hear they were not alone in their silent suffering than I was for myself. I can truthfully say that confession was definitely good for my weary soul.
Yes, secrecy and isolation are killers. The “SS” as we call it allows a person to get away with pretty much anything they want, while rationalizing their every behavior and justifying their actions. Given the foothold of secrecy and isolation, addictions easily take hold then increase to the point of total consumption.
I’ll leave you with this … I know each one of us has a choice with what we fill ourselves with, but I don’t know one single person who has been hurt by diligently reading scripture and praying consistently.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Tagged: abortion recovery, addiction and recovery, scripture
