I meet lots of people. When I share with them the type of ministry I’m involved in (abortion recovery), I often get this response: “That’s great. I know I’m forgiven for my abortion. I just don’t think it’s necessary to tell anyone about that part of my life,” or “I’m in ministry. What would people think if I reveal this about my life now?” Hmmmm.
There are many who complete an abortion recovery bible study and receive substantial healing, yet slip back into bondage of their hidden ‘secret’ because they do not take the final step of testifying to others. Some have told their immediate family members, yet asking the family to keep the ‘secret’ to themselves. Let me say this: secrets, no matter who holds them, are destructive. Full intimacy between husband and wife is impossible when secrets are kept. Often younger children blame themselves for the tensions and negative emotions within a home. This is fertile ground for future trouble.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Who are the people you fear knowing your secret?
- What are your particular fears about telling each person you’ve named? Then take the fears in prayer and ask God for wisdom to know what to do.
- People who need to know before you are free to speak out publicly are your husband, children, parents, siblings and in-laws. Who do you need to tell? When? How?
Telling about your secret of abortion requires preparation and prayer. Just as Paul prayed in Ephesians 6:19-20, that whenever you speak words are given to you so that you will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which you are an ambassador. When you’re ready to share, here’s some guidelines: (a) it is appropriate to briefly share about your sin of abortion, the sorrow and pain it caused and then move on to what God has done for you; (b) don’t make excuses, justify yourself or shift responsibility; (c) share your desire to obey God’s command to proclaim God’s offer of healing and restoration and to help prevent other women from making the same damaging choice.
It’s possible family members may be disappointed or angry. It takes time for them to grieve properly before they can come to peace with this new knowledge. Some family members may be reluctant for you to be open about your past because they feel threatened. Pray for them and allow them the freedom to vent or raise the subject again. Remember, you are forgiven and there is now no condemnation for you in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
Telling children is delicate and must always be for their benefit and not for your own purging. Always:
- Consider the age and maturity of your children.
- Limit the amount of detail. Remember, many children will tell their friends.
- Reaffirm your love for all of your children.
Many of you may have lived in shame and guilt and feared rejection from others for years because of your abortion. Remember, telling your secret may seem like a huge risk, but you are walking on the foundation of God’s Word.
So, getting back to the original question, how do you know you’ve been healed? A woman or man has experienced full biblical healing when:
- The healing is radiated in their countenance.
- Relief from the symptoms of post-abortion stress are experienced.
- Responsibility is accepted and you use non-blaming language when speaking about your abortion.
- Others have been forgiven who assisted and supported the abortion decision and you no longer speak with bitterness.
- God’s unconditional forgiveness is accepted and you are now eager to testify of God’s mercy to others.
- You have allowed yourself to grieve and when grief recurs, you know how to handle it biblically so that you don’t sink into depression.
- You have entrusted God with your aborted child and you have let go of the past.
- You can defend yourself against accusations.
- You are returned to wholeness and now embrace your future, confident that God will redeem you and know that God will work all things for your own good and the good of others.
- You are now free to deal with other issues in your life that you have previously avoided.
- You now relate differently to others and no longer isolate yourself.
- You have a restored image of yourself as a godly man or woman.
- You no longer keep the abortion a secret because of fear and/or shame.
- You can speak publicly and appropriately about your abortion, not compulsively.
The benefit of not holding onto the secret of abortion extends far beyond an individual’s closer relationship with their Lord and with others on this earth. By remaining silent about abortion, the lie persists that abortion is often the best solution to an unplanned pregnancy and is simply an issue of choice and freedom, as is so often heard in the media. So by speaking out and sharing the truth that abortion DOES hurt women, you help stamp out the pervasive silence about the devastating effects of abortion.
Speaking from my own experience, my deepest walk with my Lord started the moment I stepped out in faith and publicly testified how my Lord and Savior had saved me and cleansed me. I pray you’ll take that step, too.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord…” (2 Timothy 1:7-8)
Tagged: abortion recovery, fear and worry, forgiveness, prayer, pro-life
