My heart was pounding so hard I could feel the pulse in my head. I could only stare as my husband picked up the tiny bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. He held her close and said, “I’m your Daddy; we are going home.” We put her in the newly purchased car seat and headed out on the four hour trip home, the place which had been childless far too long. You see, I was a “barren” woman. Being the youngest of four children myself with two sisters and a brother all of whom had children, never did I dream things would be any different for me. However, after 3 years of infertility, numerous doctor visits, drugs with horrible side effects, countless procedures, I was forced to come to grips with the fact I was never going to be a Mother. The reality of this was devastating emotionally.
But God had other plans. For years I had prayed as Hannah did in 1 Samuel chapter 1. Her story was my story. “In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord begging him to look upon her misery and remember her and give her a son”. I would read and reread these words in my Bible.
Not unlike the Jews who were looking for the Messiah to come as a conquering King, I was looking for my child to show up first on a positive pregnancy test strip but only to be disappointed month after month and year after year when it screamed negative. During these months and years of hopelessness I continued to pray but with weakening of faith. However, what I didn’t know was how God had already planned my path to Motherhood. “When I was woven together in the depths of the Earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
God was there all the time waiting patiently to unveil his perfect plan for my family. While I was begging God to let me conceive a child, a young 14-year-old girl walked into a rural health clinic seven months pregnant requesting an abortion. Because of her age and the late term the doctor refused. It was no coincidence my husband worked in the medical field. The doctor knew of our desire for a child and one evening late in October he called and asked if we would be interested in becoming parents to a baby that would be born in January. If I could live to be two hundred years old I will NEVER forget that evening as long as I live. It was on that day our baby girl was conceived in our hearts. Three months later she was in my arms and I was no longer a “barren” woman. I was the mother of an absolutely perfectly healthy, beautiful baby girl. This was the child God had chosen for me all along. This was 25 years ago. I look at her beautiful face and am reminded daily of how gracious God is. I am reminded to never give up. Never stop praying. God has a plan … not always our plan … his ways are so much higher and bigger and better than ours!
Today I thank God for choosing me to be a Mother. My heart grieves for those precious children who never get the opportunity to be “gifts” to those of us who cannot bear children on our own. Our daughter’s middle name is Grace. We know. She knows. It was all because of God’s grace she is alive today.
“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” 1 Samuel 1:27
Marilyn lives in Dallas, TX with her husband of 30 years, Steve. They have one daughter, Meredith Grace. She is active in her church as well as multiple civic and charitable organizations. She holds both Bachelors and Masters degrees in Education, and has been certified as an Advanced Trainer in Personalities by CLASSeminars. Visit her website at http://marilynmoonmansfield.com