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If there’s one lesson I’m learning over and over again, it is that you have to have relationships to get anywhere.  Starting with family, then friends, then co-workers, acquaintances … yes, and even strangers. That’s the way God created us … to be relational creatures.

I learned this lesson the hard way last week when resentment turned to anger, then turned to bitterness, then depression.  It became all about me … not about the person I wanted a relationship with.

God existed in relationship with Himself before any of us were here … in the Trinity. God is one, and God is three. For all eternity, God has existed in relationship.

Scripture says the Son exists to glorify the Father, and the Father exists to glorify the Son. It says the Spirit exists to glorify them both. What that means is they help each other, promote each other, serve each other and love each other. What’s more, this exchange has been going on for all eternity.

It means our God has been relational forever. It means He created us out of relationship for relationship — and not a relationship that is surface level or self-seeking. No, the relationship God has in mind is totally sacrificial, intimate, moment-by-moment connection.

This is where I went wrong. I was looking to another person to complete and fill what only God is meant to fill. This is the primary reason we can all be so unhappy with each other. We have put our hope in imperfect people. But that hope can successfully be answered only in God Himself.

Consider what you’re aiming your hope toward. Who is in the center of your affections? Who is in the center of your identity? We all have a choice. If God is in the center of our relational circle, we will be fulfilled, and out of that fulfillment we can bless others. But if people are in the center of our relational circle, we end up pulling on others to meet needs that they can’t ever fully meet.

In relationships, we make each other better. (Proverbs 27:17, NIV)

In relationships, we remind each other of God and His plans for us. (Romans 1:12, NIV)

In relationships, we fight for each other not to be distracted by sin.“ (Hebrews 3:13, ESV)

In relationships, we need each other to live out the purposes of God. (Romans 12:5-6a, NIV)

Jesus said (Matthew 22:37-39) “… You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

This week is better … perhaps, just perhaps I’m beginning to learn about God’s plan for relationships.

Debby Efurd is co-founder of Cary John Efurd Ministries. Learn more about the ministry by liking our Facebook page ( and downloading our FREE mobile app ( from App Store or Google Play. Once downloaded, allow notifications to keep you up to date on what’s happening in Cary John Efurd Ministries. Debby can be contacted at Feel free to comment at

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