My family internalized feelings. We never talked about our feelings, but “stuffing” it was what we did. So through holding on to secrets and never “talking” through conflict, I suppose it was natural for me to turn to food for comfort. I succeeded at eating … very well. Weight has been a battle for me since I was a baby, my mother telling me I tripled my weight from the “git go” when I was supposed to double it. As a teenager, my Mom found a doctor who prescribed “miracle diet pills” for weight loss. They worked, I lost the weight, and boys started noticing me. This was great!
Ever since I was a little girl I was always told “how pretty I was,” which was odd, because when I looked in the mirror I never saw pretty … I saw fat and ugly. That translated to … “who could ever love me?”
Self esteem … it’s so important for people to feel good about themselves … to be emotionally healthy. My low self esteem would contribute to wrong choices that I would regret for a very long time.
Tagged: health journey
