I came into this world in 1951 in Dallas, Texas. The 50’s were the decade of TV, so I grew up with Lassie, Ozzie & Harriet, The Donna Reed Show, and Leave It To Beaver. Those shows helped formulate what I thought every family was like … perfect.
My dad was 45 and mom 39 when I was born. I had a half-sister and a half-brother from my dad and mom, respectively. I was a teenager when I found out my dad had been married another time (#3). Many would say my family “tree” was more of a “bush,” and they’d be right. Even my grandmother had been divorced, and that was in the day when you didn’t get divorced. It was an eye-opener when I learned my family was not “America’s ideal family.”
It’s human nature to model examples set for you. I learned many good qualities from my folks … strong work ethic, doing the best I can, do the right thing. But I also learned to keep secrets, to be manipulative, put up a good front, hide my feelings, avoid conflict, and if there was conflict, run the other direction.
I was raised to be a “model” child and was expected to be the best, looks, grades, sports (and if I failed to meet the mark, they would come up with a good excuse). Mom and dad took me to church every Sunday, Wednesday, summers, you name it. Mom drug me to music lessons, dance lessons, skating lessons, twirling lessons. It was important to my mom that everything looked “perfect.” On reflection, I guess she was trying to live her life through me. Unfortunately, the result of all that “perfection” was a very low self esteem. So having friends and being accepted was very important to me (increasingly so as I grew older).
Kids grow up thinking parents are perfect. It wasn’t until I had my own family that I could see generational patterns being repeated. It was then when I became aware that my parents, like all parents, are adults like everyone else … we all fall short. That was a giant leap for me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
I think of my parents a lot as I mature (notice I didn’t say OLDER). Sure, they weren’t perfect, but they were darn good parents and I miss ‘em!
