Kate Grosmaire and her husband, Andy, had just returned home from a Palm Sunday service in 2010 when they got the news their 19-year-old daughter Ann had suffered a gunshot wound to the head. Ann had spent the day with her longtime boyfriend Conor. When the sheriff showed up at their door, Kate asked, ‘Was Conor with her?’ ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘he shot her.’ The rest of that night and next day were a blur. It was then they learned that their daughter and boyfriend had a breakup fight. Conor had intended to get his father’s shotgun to kill himself, but when the couple continued to argue, Conor ended up pulling the trigger and shooting Ann instead. The following day they took their daughter off life support. “As we were sitting there gazing down at her we saw her literally transform as Christ became one with her. Then I realized that Christ was with my daughter. I realized that it was not Ann asking me to forgive Conor. It was Jesus. And how could I say no to Him who had forgiven me for all my transgressions?”
Through a process known as restorative justice, the couple were able to sit in a room with Conor while they shared their grief and he expressed his remorse for killing Ann. As a result, forgiveness was birthed in their lives and repentance on the part of Conor. Conor shares: “The Grosmaires’ decision to forgive me was the only reason that I ever came to believe in God and believe in Christ. There’s no other explanation for the forgiveness the Grosmaires showed me. Normal people do not forgive the man that kills their daughter. Normal people would hate and condemn. Normal people would be angry and hold onto that anger and wish me nothing but evil and probably want me killed. Instead, the Grosmaires decided to respond with forgiveness and love. And that’s nothing but the love of God shining through them.” (Source: CBN)
Each time I read a story about the power of such incredible love and forgiveness, I shake my head thinking it’s not humanly possible. And I’m right–we humans don’t have the power to forgive unconditionally. Forgiveness like this takes power that can only come from Jesus. He not only understands what it’s like to be deeply hurt, He wants each and everyone of us to forgive those who hurt us. Peter once asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him. Peter thought seven times was generous, but Jesus said, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). But seventy-seven times should be a starting point because forgiveness has no limits. He tells us to forgive over and over, extending grace to those who hurt us rather than holding their words and actions against them.
This does not mean we should let people continue to hurt us. We can forgive and still have healthy boundaries. This might mean asking others for help to stay physically and emotionally safe from someone who is causing harm. Or it might mean not spending time with an abusive person who doesn’t truly care.
Forgiving is never easy, but when we choose to show grace and forgiveness instead of holding on to grudges, God can set us free from the hurt so we can love others well. And always remember, forgiveness is not humanly possible, but it is absolutely always possible through the grace and power of Jesus Christ.
Debby Efurd is co-founder of Cary John Efurd Ministries of Pittsburg, TX. She has been a contributor to Bound for Life and written numerous articles published in LifeNews, Christian Post and the Baptist Standard, and is the author of Go Tell It! Debby can be contacted at caryjohnefurdministries@gmail.com. Visit her at the Second Mile blog at https://debbyefurd.com.
Tagged: domestic violence, forgiveness, God’s love, Jesus
