Mother Teresa once said, “If we want to love, we must learn how to forgive.” I grew up hearing, “Just forgive and forget!” Whoever said it made it sound so easy. Forgiveness is near impossible to do in our own strength, and forgetting is even harder. The act of forgiveness is at the core of God’s being. So often the wounds of some offenses are deep and seemingly impossible to let go of … to forget. Yet we must practice forgiveness because forgiving others is about loving others.
When someone is not sorry for the wrong they have committed in your life, or if someone betrayed you, that is the hardest offense to understand and to forgive. If you forgive your enemies, you probably have no intention of ever seeing them again. But when that offense is constantly pushed back in your face, it’s seemingly impossible to forget. This vicious cycle continues … like doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the poison to affect the other person.
When you truly forgive others who will not apologize, you forgive them for their pride, arrogance, and controlling behavior. Doing this will help you grow—it may or may not help them grow—but they are not your responsibility.
Tim Keller has said, “The human need for forgiveness appears to be indelible. It won’t go away by denouncing it or trying to deconstruct it. The need I’m referring to is both a profound need to grant forgiveness and to receive forgiveness.” You can’t walk away from the fact that every painful moment in your life, whether done by you or someone else, needs forgiveness.
Let’s face it — when you are resentful and angry and have been mistreated, forgiveness is the last thing you want to hear about. But if you’re a Christian; forgiveness is just what Christians do. The problem is how to forget so the same problem doesn’t resurrect itself over and over. Many theologians, counselors and life coaches suggest these steps:
Let it go and forgive: If you don’t let it go and forgive, the past will always be a part of you. It will limit you from a fulfilling and peaceful life. You must detach and separate yourself from it, or you will inherit it.
Don’t blame yourself or feel guilty: When someone points a finger at you to blame, three fingers are pointing back at them.
Have courage to find truth and reason: Take the responsibility and build the courage to know the whole truth of any wrongdoing done against you. This will ease the burden of your pain. Knowing the truth will set you free.
Forgive yourself: This is hard, but not impossible. Don’t make the mistake of carrying someone else’s burden and blame yourself.
Choose to love, not hate, even to those who continue to do you wrong. Hate is poison to the heart! The most important person you have to get along with is yourself. As difficult as it may be to forgive others (and ultimately forget mistakes you have made or others against you), not doing so is not an option. Take it from someone who keeps learning and practicing the lesson of forgive and forget.
Colossians 3:13: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”.
Debby Efurd is co-founder of Cary John Efurd Ministries of Pittsburg, TX. She has been a contributor to Bound for Life and written numerous articles published in LifeNews, Christian Post and the Baptist Standard, and is the author of Go Tell It! Debby can be contacted at caryjohnefurdministries@gmail.com.
Tagged: courage, forgiveness
