Every year at Easter our church choir gives a concert. In 2012 they asked for those willing to give “cardboard testimonies.” I said “YES” immediately, and wanted the card to read “Forgiven and Set Free After 30 Years.” Well, that didn’t tell you very much. Scratch that.
Next draft: “Forgiven and Set Free from Shame and Guilt After 30 Years.” No … scratch that.
Next draft: Oh, rats, here I go jumping in with both feet … “Over 30 Years of Shame and Guilt from Abortion” … (card over) “Forgiven and Set Free At Last.”
I mentioned earlier that I wanted to have joy, real joy, and I knew I couldn’t have it unless I told people what Jesus had done in my life. The Easter concert traditionally holds about 2,000 people, so my prayer was, “Lord, let this cardboard testimony touch at least one person in this room tonight.”
Cary was sitting in the nosebleed section of the balcony during the concert. He told me later as I held up my card he saw many women nodding their heads, some visibly crying. That was my answer.
Then in August, 2012 I was asked to share my testimony by video. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know what would happen, I didn’t know where my testimony would be seen or heard, but I was, for the first time, unafraid of what others might think. To this day, I am asked if I’m afraid to share something so personal to the world. My answer: “There is nothing anyone can say about me that I haven’t said worse about myself.”
I have been asked why it took me so long to seek recovery, and then why I waited to share my testimony. Well, I had so much turmoil in my life I had to get to the place where I was reaching up instead of trying to fix things myself. Abortion for many, many women is taboo and still shrouded by shame and guilt. Until recently, the church, itself, has not held any dialogue to the “silent sufferers.” But that is changing … the more stories are told of recovery, the more lives can be touched by forgiveness and redemption.
My son would be 39 years old today if I had not chosen to abort. One day I will see him face to face and hold him. Until then, he’s in the care of Jesus … the best place to be.
Tagged: Easter, forgiveness, pro-life
