Here’s a question for you — what’s worse, regret or fear? What’s the difference, you ask? Regret is commonly regarded as remorse over the past and fear anxiety for the future.
Why am I thinking about stuff like this? Well, a cancer diagnosis tends to make the main thing the main thing. You’re faced with fear of the unknown, your mortality, regrets from the past. I’ve lived with the cancer diagnosis for a few months, far less than so many others. But one evening a thought popped into my head – which one is worse?
I’ve had my dose of regrets. Even though I’m not plagued with the guilt of a past choice (abortion), I still regret having made that decision. That single choice affects so many. And, I’ve had regrets over words spoken in haste as well as words not spoken at all, remembering what I wished I had said at a friend’s funeral.
Regret and fear can beat you up, but it doesn’t have to. If you’re plagued with regrets or fear, here’s what helps so many:
- Keep your situation in perspective. Remember that anything you’ve done is totally forgivable, even though it may seem unforgivable to you.
- Whatever your past mistakes are, they can be redeemed and used for good if you are truly sorry. The mistakes you made can be used as teaching tools, to prevent others from making the same bad choices and getting into the same trouble you did. There are so many who can use your life lessons.
- Sharing your story with others, with the goal of teaching, can be very healing. The rough things you went through, even if they were your fault, can even help others who have already made mistakes they regret, because you can be a friend to them which will understand how they feel and not judge them.
- Consider not focusing so much on yourself. The more you think about “you”, the less you’re thinking about “others” and this can be the nub of many internalized problems. Let go of the self winding-up, be there for others instead.
Tagged: cancer, fear and worry, forgiveness
